Striving For A Complaint Free Life Is Admirable

I read an online article on January 27, 2007, published by the Los Angeles Times, titled "Quit your whining, if you can."

This lead me to think about the author's discussion relating to a "complaint-free life." Too many folks harp on situations they cannot control and are negative instead of cheerful. Some folks are so engrained in tearing down others that they make their own lives miserable. Can you quit grumbling?

As the article suggests, whining is an addictive behavior for many folks. We have much to be greatful for and we should seek to focus on building relationships in a manner suggested by the article.

The article's author, Stephanie Simon, wrote, "I had resolved to quit grumbling after reading about a challenge presented to the congregation of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, Mo. The Rev. Will Bowen — fed up with folks whining about his choice of worship music — asked his flock of 250 to refrain from complaining, criticizing and gossiping for three weeks.Bowen, 47, is a big fan of self-help programs."

We have all known folks who were addicted to "complaining, criticizing and gossiping" when success is much more likely through positive than negative thinking.

"A few years back, he and his wife erased more than $40,000 in debt by following the financial makeover plan advocated by syndicated radio host Dave Ramsey. Lately, Bowen's been hooked on the writings of a fellow Unity minister, Edwene Gaines, who promises prosperity through positive thinking. Gaines proposed the concept of a complaint-free church in her book 'The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity: A Simple Guide to Unlimited Abundance.'"

Then Bowen came up with a gimmick to make it stick. A former radio-station manager and phonebook ad salesman — he turned to ministry four years ago — Bowen delights in giveaways. Every few weeks, he interrupts his service by distributing small gifts: picture frames, perhaps, or candles or bookmarks. "Doodad Sunday," he calls it.

For the no-complaint sermon last summer, he handed out purple rubber bracelets stamped with the word SPIRIT. (They were intended for school pep rallies, but Bowen figured "spirit" could also signify the spirit of change.)

Bowen told his congregants that they were to switch the bracelet to their other wrist every time they griped or sniped.

Their goal: 21 consecutive days without moving the bracelet. Bowen used a quote from writer Maya Angelou as the campaign slogan: "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."

There are different levels of frustratons in our lives from imagined to real and trivial to important. If we allow the insignificant frustrations to dominate our lives, we will just increase our own stress levels.

With the purple bracelet as his guide, Rennack learned to stay serene in the face of setbacks, to listen more and mouth off less. It took him three months, but he made it to 21 days, earning a "Certificate of Happiness" and the chance to hang his well-worn purple bracelet on a plastic tree in the church lobby. So far, 18 members of the congregation have met the challenge.

Many more are still working at it. I slipped up time and again in the early going. I criticized my oldest daughter for (of all things) singing happily at the breakfast table, and dismissed a sculpture at the Denver Art Museum with a disdainful: "That's so ugly!"

Even when I lapsed, I noticed my grumbles were muted.I also noticed that my family was not taking my success well. I was chirpy (and, worse yet, smug about my good cheer) until something irritated me.

Then, I sulked. Instead of coming right out with a critique, I'd give everyone the silent treatment.Our family discussions had always been loving, but spiked with sarcasm, teasing and good-natured grumbling. Now I was censoring every word, and our easy give-and-take suffered.

People deal with life in different ways," psychologist Barbara Held reassured me.

A professor at Bowdoin College in Maine, Held resents what she calls "the tyranny of the positive." In her book "Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching: A 5-Step Guide to Creative Complaining," she urges Americans to drop the pretense that everything is always rosy."Maybe I should start selling 'It's OK to complain' bracelets," she said.

She'd probably sell a bundle. The urge to complain is so universal, it's recently been elevated to an art. Under the coordination of two Helsinki artists, citizens in several cities have created "Complaints Choirs" to sing aloud their grievances about unfaithful lovers, reeking buses, even drunken plumbers.

Bowen dreams of countering such negativity with an army of positive thinkers.He has spent $10,000 in church funds (not that the board would think of complaining) to give away about 70,000 purple bracelets, taking requests through his website, http://www.thecomplaintfreechurch.org/ .

Soldiers in Iraq have put in orders. So have pastors, teachers, drug counselors, Boy Scout leaders. (Perhaps not grasping the concept, one minister returned his batch — with a complaint about the quality.)

But that very moment, Robin Stanley headed her way, carrying an overlooked stack of mailing labels. "We got more," said Stanley, 53.Martin took a deep breath."Yea!" she said, attempting a chipper tone.Bowen came over to check on them. "I'm tired," Stanley told him, adding: "That's not a complaint. Just a statement of fact. I didn't realize what a production this was."Listening, I realized that I may have been taking the complaint-free life too literally.

It wasn't reasonable to suppress every remark or tone of voice that could be construed as a complaint. Even Bowen and his wife stretched the rules a bit. When someone irritated them, they'd remark, "I bet he sure can whistle."

It was an inside joke, a way of saying that even the most aggravating souls have a ray of good in them. It was also, perhaps, a way to vent in code."Everything comes down to the energy you put into it," Bowen said. "If I say calmly, 'I smashed my finger last week and it still hurts,' that's a statement of fact. But if I'm whining, 'Oooh, I hurt my finger! It hurts so bad!' then that's complaining…. And 99% of it is not beneficial."Back home after visiting the church, I put aside my purple bracelet. But I resolved to keep watching my words.When the fourth big storm in a month dumped eight more inches of snow on our neighborhood, I made a point of not starting every conversation with a grumpy "Can you believe this weather?"

Instead, I remarked on the beauty of the white-capped Rockies.I think it gave my neighbors a lift. How could it not? The mountains truly are stunning.Then again, the view only goes so far when you're driving the kids to school on roads rutted with hard-packed snow and ice. It would be great if the county could send a plow. That's not a complaint. Just a statement of fact.